A Letter...

Get out of my head – please.
I said goodbye.
Leave me in peace.
Don’t make it harder for me, please
I already have to live with my guilt,
And the knowledge that I failed You.
So please.
Get out of my head…

It hurts deep in my chest
Did You know that?
Course You do. You know everything.
I know You love me.
For sanity’s sake I beg You to stop.
I don’t want Your love.
That’s why it hurts so much,
Didn’t You know.
I would rather You hate me.
Punish me for my failure
Strike me where I stand.
I deserve it.

The pain constricts my throat
I cant even swallow.
Why does this have to be so hard?
Goodbye should have been final
Get out of my head, damn it,
GET OUT.
I don’t want You here
I don’t love You, no I don’t
I have to tell myself that every second
To make myself believe it.
I’ve left You, I’ve failed You.
Don’t tell me You love me
Because the saddest thing is,
I still love You too.

I know that I can’t make it
Without You.
Let me crash and burn.
Played with fire and now I have to pay.
With my own hands
I smashed myself to pieces.
Why do You have to love me?
Why do You have to cry for me?
Me?
Why do You reach out, so tenderly,
Try to put the fragments back together.
All the while I’m slapping away the hands
That used to hold me so tenderly,
So lovingly…


I was an angel once, Your angel,
Not that long ago.
I’ve fallen now, smashed my wings.
Why, WHY do You still love me?
I’ve rejected You.
Shouldn’t You hate me?
You should.
Just waiting here, for Your righteous anger
Because I can’t live with
The shame, of denying You
End this, please…
Just get out of my head.
Because I can’t live with the pain
Of still loving You.