Begging Is Something I Do Not Do.

I love you, even tho its all one sided
Eventually you may come around.
Or maybe not
But one can always hope.
I do what I can to make you want me.
I think of you every second of my day.
You say you do too, but how can I know for sure?
Say you feel the same, but your not good with words -
Let me show you how: I. Love. You.
Three simple words.
They're hard enough to say.
Believe me, I know.
I dont give them away easily.
It took me forever to muster up the courage
To face possible rejection, humiliation.
But I did it.
Why cant you?

Im young, Im immature. That is still no excuse
To be stuck in a rut, living in the past
Of hurts from former loves.
You blame me for their mistakes.
You put me in the box they built.
A box that held things that hurt you.
But they built it for themselves. Not for me.
Let me build my own little box that I can fit inside.
A box you'll like.
A box you'll keep.
Please.
Keep me.
Let me love you.
Love me back.
Ive never begged anyone for anything.
But I'm begging you now.
Love me.
And if you cant,
Then let me go.

Simply Me

There's an empty space in my mind

That's never been filled

I wonder now if it'll ever be -

I've tried this and that

One thing, then the next thing.

It's not like I'll write

About darkness smothering

And bloody red tears, just dripping -

I'm over that.

But the empty space is still there, consuming.

It's a muggy grey cloud

That cant be filled,

With posessions, people, things -

Not even happy friends, no.

When I'm in company I'm still alone, quietly.

I could ingore it, quite easily

More often than not

But my mind back to sharp focus always brings -

The silence that is my unique mortality

The silence that is, simply, me.

Because

When I die
Ill haunt you when you sleep
You’ll know I’m there.
The icy breath on your cheek
Will chill your warm beating heart
And comfort you in your silent sorrow

Because I’m there.

When I’m gone
Not a breath from my cold lips
And you hold my memory secretly dear
I’ll be there.
In the cold light of the winter dawn
In the untainted nights snow fall
The unexplained footprints’ll bring you peace

Because I’m there.

When I’m under the frozen earth
But a whispering memory over the hills
The strength of your heart will keep me there
In the shadow over the moon
In the mist outside your window at night
You’ll cry for me, but feel ever so near

Because I’m there.

I’ll be your ghost, your lucky charm
More with you than ever before
If you miss me, just cry
I’ll be there in your tears
Telling you stories as old as the hills
Telling you tales of us

Because I’m always there.

Stitches

I dont know why I wait

Eatting my heart out bite by painful bite

I have everything to hide

Im all alone

I dont know who you are

Evermore, served up my tender heart

On a plate, fork and knive

Gently beating

I dont know why I stay

Plucking the stings of my mind like a violin

Savor the sweet scream

It'll silence soon

I dont know where to go

Stitches holding my heart together unraveling

Crying crimson, pleading

Gasping, collapsing...

Call

New song... fresh off the brain cells. Probably needs some tweaking but yeah... this is how it stands as of now. No music but the melody's all there in the grey matter... just need some good prof help to get it ground out and put to good use...


I hear your voice
Echoing off the walls
Whispering in my shattered mind
I feel your hands
In my hair
I want them there
I… want… you… here…

I know what they said
Those words they burn me
Scarring my ears
I, I cant believe
That your not there
Your just sleeping…


Call me when you wake up…
I know your just sleeping
Call me when you wake up
Though they don’t believe me
I know your there
I know your there


I felt the wounds
I saw you fall
I felt the darkness as if I were you
But that I was
And we were one
Of all the people shouldn’t I be the one
To know that they’re wrong

So call me when you wake up…
Please, I know your just sleeping
Call me when you wake up…
Cuz I cant find you
Call me when you wake up
I know your just sleeping
Call me when you wake up
They don’t believe me,
But I know your there
I know your there…
Please… be there

The Courtesan´s Game

"She hides the fact that she can love... hides the pain that that freedom left behind... hides it with the mask of courtesan..."

Enter observers
Fill out the ranks
Ques as far as the eye can see
Dim red lights -
Sensual? I think not.
All impatiently waiting for the same thing.

These foolish men
The game I play
All vying for this heart of mine.
Thinking they´ll succeed?
I think not.
But they´ll all have their turns in time.

There she lay,
The tight corsetté
Bossoms with sexual tension heaving
She loves the game?
Heavens, why not.
Yet behind the flirt lie dead eyes, pleading.

The game´s her life
She´ll not deny.
Yet under all, her heart is breaking
This broad´s a fake?
Surely, why not.
A heart that´s stolen, once was for the taking.

I´d drop them all
These foolish men.
So out of character they might say.
Stolen heart´s returned?
I think not.
But I´d leave them for him any day.

Yes, theres only one
She´s ever loved.
But that one is so far away.
Red lights sensual?
Hell, why not.
If it fills the void, and fuels the Play...

A Letter...

Get out of my head – please.
I said goodbye.
Leave me in peace.
Don’t make it harder for me, please
I already have to live with my guilt,
And the knowledge that I failed You.
So please.
Get out of my head…

It hurts deep in my chest
Did You know that?
Course You do. You know everything.
I know You love me.
For sanity’s sake I beg You to stop.
I don’t want Your love.
That’s why it hurts so much,
Didn’t You know.
I would rather You hate me.
Punish me for my failure
Strike me where I stand.
I deserve it.

The pain constricts my throat
I cant even swallow.
Why does this have to be so hard?
Goodbye should have been final
Get out of my head, damn it,
GET OUT.
I don’t want You here
I don’t love You, no I don’t
I have to tell myself that every second
To make myself believe it.
I’ve left You, I’ve failed You.
Don’t tell me You love me
Because the saddest thing is,
I still love You too.

I know that I can’t make it
Without You.
Let me crash and burn.
Played with fire and now I have to pay.
With my own hands
I smashed myself to pieces.
Why do You have to love me?
Why do You have to cry for me?
Me?
Why do You reach out, so tenderly,
Try to put the fragments back together.
All the while I’m slapping away the hands
That used to hold me so tenderly,
So lovingly…


I was an angel once, Your angel,
Not that long ago.
I’ve fallen now, smashed my wings.
Why, WHY do You still love me?
I’ve rejected You.
Shouldn’t You hate me?
You should.
Just waiting here, for Your righteous anger
Because I can’t live with
The shame, of denying You
End this, please…
Just get out of my head.
Because I can’t live with the pain
Of still loving You.