A Beautiful Night

"Wretched darkness feel my pain..." the hastily scratched words blurred before her eyes, and she roughly rubbed away the black rivulettes that had been slithering down her hot cheeks for what seemed like forever... Really, she felt half foolish for the way she was acting. But, another side of her wanted this... wanted it so badly. The wind whispered in the tree branches above her head, rustling the leaves and casting eirie shaddows on the ground below the dainty, pure white glow of the candle clutched, ever so gently, in her left hand.

Her right hand grasped a quill - black as night. They had laughed at her because of it. They just didnt understand, that was all. She felt foolish again. She knew better than to think like that, but at the same time...

Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks, the dark, black tracks turning translucent grey as most of the dark liner ran away. She DID know better. Why did she feel like this? She was supposed to be above it.

The angry, red welts all down her arms and shoulders made her shudder. She COULD blame the music, but wouldnt be totally correct. She´d done it to get to this state. She HAD wanted it, and shed done what she had to do to get it.

She felt she heard someone speaking. It was just the wind, whispering sweet nothings to the earth. But then again... celestial sweet, she felt it calling to her. The wind´s gentle arms wrapped around her, whipping her hair gently, coaxing her out of the cowering knot shed become. She stood, slowly, the wind wrapping veils of nothingness around her every limb, grabbing her hand, leading her into the dark openness of the hilltop.

She dropped the candle in silent elation, flame flickering in the sudden motion, yet, not going out. She saw, out of the corner of her eye, the yellowed, tear stained page, full of the sorrows of her mind, flash in glorious death, the flames kissing away every stab of pain, numbing her soul to the sorrows of her heart.

Yet the wind pulled her further, all the while singing, whispering, sweet promises in her ears. Leading her ever higher up the hill, carying her, supporting her, till the whispering wind convinced her that she could fly. Higher and higher still, to the cliff´s edge it led her, coaxing her, breathing sweet lies to her mind. she hestitated, for a moment, it looked so far down. The wind calmed, waiting, just waiting.. for one, two, three! The violent gust stunned her so. So full of malice, so much hate... Like, like the gentle wind, wanted to kill her... NO! Her eyes widened, her mind awoke, everything slowed... her body propelled, slowly, slowly... tumbling down...

The wind stilled; the stars returned; the moon shone again, with all its gentle glory. Not a sound in the silence stirred. Yes.. it was a beautiful night.

After 5 Years (I Miss You)

I dont know why I love you, but I do
The side of me you bring...
Pulling tears from deep inside,
When I should be happy,
Yet I still am.
I miss you.

Do I dare to admit, to myself,
That I love you a bit more,
Than I really should?
Missed opportunitys
And broken dreams
I miss you.

I´d forgotten the feeling, you.
But you re´woke the longing
I told myself I hated you
But I just cant
Nothing of me is truely mine
I miss you.

Endless... 5 years have gone so fast,
But a beat of the heart for us...
Moments we shared...
I miss your touch.
How can I say I´m alive?
I miss you.

Forever... a lifetime left to wait,
Makes me wish it would end today...
Just to see you,
To feel your love
I´m crying... I´ll never survive.
I miss you.

Deserted

Uprooted from
The safest place
That I have known for all my life
Scared of the road
Dont want to go
But I chose this path
It´s just for me
I want to go, but
It´s just too soon...
I´m not prepared -
What have I done?
Doubts, too late
And never knowing what will be...
Or how this bend in
Life will treat me
I´m scared, I want
To turn back, but I cant
It´s too late for that
What will be will be
Stepping into the dark...
God make me strong
I´m sorry I deserted thee.

Empty Worlds

A poem I realized I had but never posted. I LIKE IT ALOT. I wrote it in an insanely noisy bar during a Barca/Madrid match in Madrid. How it came out, i dont know. Inner essence being demanded to give a hand.

Life bleeding down

Life beating down

The muttered curse thats never leaving,

In the icy ground

Under earthen mound

A silent tear, forever grieving

My heart is bound,

To you, I've found,

Piece by piece my soul you're theiving.

Those arguments sound,

Like brews I've downed,

From witches lair in cauldron seething.

What goes comes 'round

My thoughts confound,

Broken feelings, barely breathing.

Felonies abound

All honesty drowned,

In empty worlds not even dreaming...

Follow

ok i know this is insufferably long... but it all just kinda came in a flash. Theres no rhyme or reason to it. And you wont understand it. Just take it as is.

FOLLOW
I dont care if what I have is good
I want to be where you are.

I sat before, and dreamt of rain
Of thunder so loud I´d run, hide in shame
Because that´s how it seemed,
In all those scenes,
Of you. Where you are.

So I followed you there.
But you had gone.
To somewhere else, where the sun would shine
At least I guessed,
For the immages were night.

But I was unhappy.
Because I wanted what you had.
To be where you were.

So I gave up my rain,
And my thunder so loud
And my lightning that flashed from
Cloud to frightful cloud...
To chase you down - to find you.
For I wanted to be "happy". Just like you.

But I didnt find. No nothing at all.
Just sun. Endless sun.
And you were gone. Again.
To lands unseen.
While I waited, ever so patiently
For the cool that night should bring.
And hopefully, the happiness
That I´d been missing.
The happiness you should have left.
The happiness that was you.
But it never came.

And I, in torment, grew dark.
Darker and darker still,
Till I blocked out the sun.
Then the cool came.
Oh and did it come
Icy cold it was, deep in the soul.
Because I could not find your world of happiness...
I created my own, of hate.

Then I saw you, in another place
That place no longer looked happy
But I wanted what you had.
And because it was so full of sadness,
I laid my cheek to the cool stone and wept
But I followed you still,
Because I wanted what you had.
Because I wanted to be like you.

Now you´ve gone completely.
My life should be empty, the void you´ve left.
But its not...
Because I hate you.
I´ve smashed the mirrors of my dreams
I´ve burnt the books of my desire
It´s all gone.

And all thats left from your lofty mutilation
Is the empty core of what was once me.
Eaten through, like a cankerous cancer,
My heart is withered,
My spirit faded.
See the work of your invisible hands.
Leave the shell that I´ve become.

Now I´ve gone my own path.
Now, you follow me.

Permanent Damage

Downing caffine,
Trying to bring back the spring
In my step, but it´s gone
Permanently.

Exhausted, and, un-naturally so,
Ran dry the normal enegery flow
And the reserves too, they´re gone
Permanently.

Try and fix me, and you´ll see
The life that´s bleeding
Right out of me, is going
Permanently.

It´s not my sleep - that´s just fine
It´s something more, but I cant find
The source, its hiding
Permanently.

My spirit? Could it be?
Is it dying? So slowly
Creeping away, leaving
Permanently?

The Beastling

It sees me
I´m fearing
I´m crouching, it´s nearing,
Searing my tearing eyes with
Spite from it´s leering smile...

The feeling
Sent reeling
It´s feasting, the beastling,
It´s eating my insides, and slowly,
I´m decomposing...

Try fleeing
I´m cowering,
It´s looming, over-powering
I´m dying, its feeding
On my mind´s fragile binds...