After 5 Years (I Miss You)

I dont know why I love you, but I do
The side of me you bring...
Pulling tears from deep inside,
When I should be happy,
Yet I still am.
I miss you.

Do I dare to admit, to myself,
That I love you a bit more,
Than I really should?
Missed opportunitys
And broken dreams
I miss you.

I´d forgotten the feeling, you.
But you re´woke the longing
I told myself I hated you
But I just cant
Nothing of me is truely mine
I miss you.

Endless... 5 years have gone so fast,
But a beat of the heart for us...
Moments we shared...
I miss your touch.
How can I say I´m alive?
I miss you.

Forever... a lifetime left to wait,
Makes me wish it would end today...
Just to see you,
To feel your love
I´m crying... I´ll never survive.
I miss you.

Deserted

Uprooted from
The safest place
That I have known for all my life
Scared of the road
Dont want to go
But I chose this path
It´s just for me
I want to go, but
It´s just too soon...
I´m not prepared -
What have I done?
Doubts, too late
And never knowing what will be...
Or how this bend in
Life will treat me
I´m scared, I want
To turn back, but I cant
It´s too late for that
What will be will be
Stepping into the dark...
God make me strong
I´m sorry I deserted thee.

Empty Worlds

A poem I realized I had but never posted. I LIKE IT ALOT. I wrote it in an insanely noisy bar during a Barca/Madrid match in Madrid. How it came out, i dont know. Inner essence being demanded to give a hand.

Life bleeding down

Life beating down

The muttered curse thats never leaving,

In the icy ground

Under earthen mound

A silent tear, forever grieving

My heart is bound,

To you, I've found,

Piece by piece my soul you're theiving.

Those arguments sound,

Like brews I've downed,

From witches lair in cauldron seething.

What goes comes 'round

My thoughts confound,

Broken feelings, barely breathing.

Felonies abound

All honesty drowned,

In empty worlds not even dreaming...

Follow

ok i know this is insufferably long... but it all just kinda came in a flash. Theres no rhyme or reason to it. And you wont understand it. Just take it as is.

FOLLOW
I dont care if what I have is good
I want to be where you are.

I sat before, and dreamt of rain
Of thunder so loud I´d run, hide in shame
Because that´s how it seemed,
In all those scenes,
Of you. Where you are.

So I followed you there.
But you had gone.
To somewhere else, where the sun would shine
At least I guessed,
For the immages were night.

But I was unhappy.
Because I wanted what you had.
To be where you were.

So I gave up my rain,
And my thunder so loud
And my lightning that flashed from
Cloud to frightful cloud...
To chase you down - to find you.
For I wanted to be "happy". Just like you.

But I didnt find. No nothing at all.
Just sun. Endless sun.
And you were gone. Again.
To lands unseen.
While I waited, ever so patiently
For the cool that night should bring.
And hopefully, the happiness
That I´d been missing.
The happiness you should have left.
The happiness that was you.
But it never came.

And I, in torment, grew dark.
Darker and darker still,
Till I blocked out the sun.
Then the cool came.
Oh and did it come
Icy cold it was, deep in the soul.
Because I could not find your world of happiness...
I created my own, of hate.

Then I saw you, in another place
That place no longer looked happy
But I wanted what you had.
And because it was so full of sadness,
I laid my cheek to the cool stone and wept
But I followed you still,
Because I wanted what you had.
Because I wanted to be like you.

Now you´ve gone completely.
My life should be empty, the void you´ve left.
But its not...
Because I hate you.
I´ve smashed the mirrors of my dreams
I´ve burnt the books of my desire
It´s all gone.

And all thats left from your lofty mutilation
Is the empty core of what was once me.
Eaten through, like a cankerous cancer,
My heart is withered,
My spirit faded.
See the work of your invisible hands.
Leave the shell that I´ve become.

Now I´ve gone my own path.
Now, you follow me.

Permanent Damage

Downing caffine,
Trying to bring back the spring
In my step, but it´s gone
Permanently.

Exhausted, and, un-naturally so,
Ran dry the normal enegery flow
And the reserves too, they´re gone
Permanently.

Try and fix me, and you´ll see
The life that´s bleeding
Right out of me, is going
Permanently.

It´s not my sleep - that´s just fine
It´s something more, but I cant find
The source, its hiding
Permanently.

My spirit? Could it be?
Is it dying? So slowly
Creeping away, leaving
Permanently?

The Beastling

It sees me
I´m fearing
I´m crouching, it´s nearing,
Searing my tearing eyes with
Spite from it´s leering smile...

The feeling
Sent reeling
It´s feasting, the beastling,
It´s eating my insides, and slowly,
I´m decomposing...

Try fleeing
I´m cowering,
It´s looming, over-powering
I´m dying, its feeding
On my mind´s fragile binds...

Four New Songs

AMNESTY

Contemplation
The things I wont release
In the midst of the battle
The fighting´s all but ceased.

Degeneration
The summer´s gone with the sun
The rising fears are mixed with tears
They´re falling, falling away from the Son.

(Chorus)
God the Father
Christ the Son
(Forgive me, forgive me)
The things I will not do,
The things I will not do...

Father could you forgive
An un-repentant child?
Would you grant an amnesty
For my foolish viles?

Proove me wrong again
Where is the light?
Proove me wrong again
There is no light...

(repeat chorus)

Grand me amnesty
The things I will not do...


GAME OVER

(God forgive me, for I have sinned...)
I left so many things undone when I left You,
Trying to end the fear with the dark
The fear and the pain,
It makes me fly
Killing this feeling
So much for the warior in me...

(Chorus)
I cant go on
Not being reborn
It´s the end of the game
It´s the end of the game
Game over
I can´t go on
Not being reborn
It´s the end of the game
Game over

I left so many things undone when I left You
I tried to be strong
I tried to be brave
Killing this feeling
So much for the warior in me...


FAINTLY FADING

Faithless, falling, dead again
Fearing fleeing the seas, but when
The waves, they come
To take me away
I run away
To be another day

(Chorus 1)
Not just another in the tide
Another in the tide

Now beats the winds call, it´s fading away
Faint, but pealing, to Hell I´ve strayed
They´re callng me
Before, I would have run
The waves, they come
I sink under the Sun

(Chorus 2)
Now just another in the tide
Another in the tide


THE BLACK

I can´t take this rejection anymore
The scars my heart wears
I beared to you my body
You took it as a sacrifice

(Chorus)
And now I´ve gone
Far away from here
My soul is uncovered
I´m believeing a lie
And now I´m strong
Stronger than the fears
My mind wants the black
I´m saying goodbye...

Why can´t you understand
Sometimes I just need to cry
These tears are long overdue
All I needed was love from you

(Repeat chorus)